From Me to Hue by Jackie McFee

The Rest is Still Unwritten.

I love January. I always have.

Not the freezing cold January, or the I still haven't put my Christmas decorations away January, or the gaining 10 pounds over the holidays and I better get back to the gym January, or the credit card bill is due January......

I love Fresh Start January. I love the beginning of a new year. 365 Days of an Unwritten Chapter in Your Life. New Dreams. New Memories. I love not knowing what luscious things may lay ahead. What challenges are waiting? What will this new year bring???? How much wine will I have to drink to get through it??

My husband laughs because every January he calls me "Hurricane Jackie" as I start to compile my "To Do's". I always get fired up to start house projects (yes Matt we are redoing our bedroom BTW. It's in writing now. On My Blog), start new business ventures, start to expand my brand, start! start! start! I "start" a lot of conversations in January with "Ya know I was thinking..." My husband promptly takes a BIG, deep breath. I think I hear him doing it now actually....

I was interviewed last fall for Ballantyne Magazine, and they asked me "What would be your theme song for walking into a room?"

I didn't have an answer that day because I was too busy hiding the elf. Today, however, with a fresh January perspective though, I do:  "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. I not only love this song, but the words ROCK and so perfectly explain my love affair with January.

Last April JACK!E Bedding was launched! This April JACK!E Bath and Beach will be launched - so exciting! Next April - who knows! It is still unwritten!

I love that January represents the idea that we all get a new chance, a new day, a new chapter in the story of our lives.

So Carpe Diem. What will your story be in 2012? Let me know! Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.

With love from me to 2012,

Jackie

 

The Elf on the Shelf is dead to me....

I want to meet the person who created, marketed, and sold (and made) millions off of the infamous Elf on the Shelf.

If and when this day ever comes, this is what I would say:

Dear Inventor: You have made my life a living hell. That little bastard has sucked the Christmas joy right out of my soul. Not only is he a pain in my ass, but like I need ANOTHER FREAKING THING TO REMEMBER TO DO DURING DECEMBER.

I am OVER it. My kids are over it, I mean really, how many times can I threaten them, "The elf is watching!" (You know that prick I jumped out of bed at 4:07 am to move because I forgot to do it before I went to bed?!) Ya, that guy! HE IS DEAD TO ME!!!!!

And then of course, he falls.

On the floor. While your kids are eating their breakfast before school.

And mayhem ensues: "OOOHHHMMMGGGG Mommy don't touch him!!!!!!!! OOOHHHMMMMGGGG is he dead??????????""""""""""

Yeah, 'cause I need more stress in my morning routine.

And if you touch the prick, ya know, in front of the kids, he loses his magic supposedly..... ya know all that fabulous magic the Elf possesses that causes good behavior over the holidays?? Causes all the whining from every 3, 6, and 9 year old to just instantaneously stop, causes all the fits about bedtime, eating your vegetables, doing your homework to just magically disappear, he also ends all sibling disputes about sharing or 'but I was watching Shake it Up and then SHE changed the channel Mommy!' with just the mere mention of his name.....ya, that magic...it will disappear......I'll tell you what I would like to have disppear...the freaking elf himself.

And why don't you have FEET? It's wierd. Trust me, I know you are lazy 'cause I have to move your holiday ass every day for a month so a pair of feet would probably be a waste on you anyway.

Then there is travelling over the holidays - again - like I need another thing to PACK?!?!?!?! And if we don't bring him, then my children are devastated because the elf abandonded them. He flew back to Santa (cause he has NO FEET TO WALK) telling horrible tales of the McFee children (and their bitter Mommy). You try sharing a hotel room with 5 people, desperately trying to stay awake past your kids after driving 8 hours, watching Cars 2 and Tangled for the umpteenth time, handing out 17 million snacks, and making 14 potty stops, in an attempt to hide the damn elf in the dark so A) you don't wake anybody up and B) the Christmas magic can live on!!

Bite Me Elf. You are dead to me!

When did Santa stop being enough???

I am not alone in this hatred. We all try to pretend we enjoy giving our kids one more special memory to cherish from their youth. When in reality, we all just want to punch him in the throat.

Obviously everyone reading this blog knows that I have made a career out of design, trends, and color. I have actually been dubbed a "color queen" because my eye for color and pattern is so good (or so they say).....

Um, well, in my haste to join the ranks of being a PERFECT MOM with a PERFECT CHRISTMAS with a PERFECT DAMN ELF....apparently I bought an elf who, how shall I say, doesn't match my family! And here is the funniest part.... we have had him for 2 years and no one has ever noticed!!! Not until my neighbor almost spit her wine out when she saw "Jacob" - my ethnic, footless elf sitting upon our mantle. Upon meeting her "Bob" I realized the difference, and it has only added to our fodder about the Lovely Elf on the Shelf!!!!!!!!!!

Five more days friends....5 more blessed days...then we can send the little A-Hole packin'!!!!!!!

Until then...Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Looking forward to a Luscious and Elf Free 2012!!!!!!!!!!

With Love From Me to Jacob and Bob,

Jackie

                 Bob                                           Jacob

and some of my other favorite pics I found!

The Elf and his HO HO HO's!!!

You KNOW that bastard has to drink to get thru the holidays too!

Really?

My thoughts exactly.

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I crossed the finish line!

I am a triathlete!

I still can't feel my arms or my legs!

But it was worth EVERY MINUTE!!!!!!!

and yes, it changed my life. As overused and cliché as that saying is, it has never been more true for me.

The definition of "change" may be different for every woman who crossed that finish line, but for me, it goes something like this:

To Betty: Thank you for the push, thank you for being one of the coolest chicks I have ever met. I hope I am as young and vibrant at 66 as you are.

To Alyse: I have never been so honored to call you my friend as I was watching you tread water next to Katrina in the pool. Thank you for having enough courage for all of us and then some. Do you even realize what you have done? Thank you for believing in us when we forgot how to believe in ourselves.

To Katrina: Although we have never met, I watched you (along with my 8 year old daughter) swim in the pool. I have never felt such admiration and love for a stranger in my life. And as tears poured down my cheeks (kinda how they are right now) my daughter asked, "Why are you crying Mommy? Is that girl your friend?" "I don't know her, but I "know" her...I am crying because she is the last athlete in the pool and she will NOT GIVE UP. I am crying because what you are witnessing Mattie is PURE GUTS. PURE DETERMINATION. Just a few months ago she was scared to swim, but look what she is doing now...women are strong Mattie. So so strong. You will see..." Congratulations Katrina YOU DID IT.

To Molly and Beth: Thank you for being my mentors, my friends, my support! Although every time I saw you together it made me ache for my own sisters and their companionship, it also reminded me how sacred having a sister is, and what a gift it is that we take for granted. You are both such incredible, strong women - the world is better for having you in it. Don't ever forget it! Your mother would be so proud. I hope my two daughters grow up to be just like you.

To Lorraine: You were right. It's ok to give myself permission to put myself first. It's ok to be scared - it makes you stronger. I will never forget your hug as I marched into the pool. Thanks for holding my hand - and all my phone calls and meetings and emails and art requests and ...

To Matt: I was asked a million times - how are you fitting all this training in with your career, kids, and busy life??? I just smiled and said, "His name is Matt." I love you. You seriously have no idea....

To Sharon: I was asked a million times - how are you fitting all this training in with your career, kids, and busy life??? I just smiled and said, "Her name is Sharon." You are the best wife EVER.

To everyone who keeps asking me what my time was and where I placed: I still have not checked the results page, but don't you get it? I ALREADY WON.

To my Ciabatta Roll and Jimmy Dean Sausage Arms: C U LATER ALLIGATOR!

and finally, and most importantly, to the girl I once knew, Jacqueline Anne Savage McFee, I'm glad we found each other. I forgot how much I missed you. I hope we stay friends for a long time.

 

With Love From Me to My Triathlon,

Jackie

Struggling on the bike!

 

Beth, me, Amber, and Molly

The McFees minus baby Jack!



the view out my front door a few hours after the race..seriously..I can't make this sh*t up! The perfect rainbow to end a perfect day : )

Back to school...SERIOUSLY?

I am in utter, complete, deep, deep denial......

I am not one of those moms who loves this time of year because school means only one thing to me:

STRESS

THE 6AM WAKE UP CALL. STRESS. LUNCHES. STRESS. HOMEWORK. STRESS. POOLS CLOSED. STRESS. MARGARITA GLASS EMPTY. STRESS. PARENT CONFERENCES. STRESS. VOLUNTEER OR U R A BAD MOM. STRESS. GET YOUR SHOES ON & WHERE IS YOUR BACKPACK BECAUSE THE BUS IS HERE & I'M NOT DRIVING YOU. STRESS. PERMISSION SLIPS. STRESS. I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE THAT SHIRT- U R WEARING IT OR I WILL KILL YOU. STRESS. OH U DIDN'T LIKE THAT SANDWICH? FINE. TOMORROW I WILL GIVE U MUSHED CARROTS INSTEAD. BITE ME. STRESS. LAUNDRY. STRESS. NO MORE CUTE FLIP FLOPS. STRESS. I LOVE MY JOB BUT I WOULD LIKE THE OPTION TO GO BACK TO BED AFTER THEY LEAVE INSTEAD OF GOING TO A MEETING. JUST ONCE. STRESS. MY BABY BOY STARTED PRESCHOOL. WWWAAAAHHHHHH. DIDN'T I JUST GIVE BIRTH TO HIM 2 DAYS AGO? STRESS. RED WINE GLASS EMPTY. STRESS. I KNOW IT'S STILL LIGHT OUT BUT GO TO BED. NO-NOT ONE MORE MINUTE. NOW. STRESS. DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH? NOT YOUR AMERICAN GIRL DOLL'S TEETH. YOUR TEETH. STRESS. FIELD TRIPS. STRESS. BOOK REPORTS. STRESS. WHAT? YOU PULLED A SLIP TODAY? I DID NOT TEACH YOU THAT WORD! MUST HAVE BEEN DADDY.....STRESS. YOUR SCIENCE PROJECT IS DUE TOMORROW? STRESS. CARPOOL. STRESS. GYMNASTICS. SOCCER. GIRL SCOUTS. STRESS. FORCING MY BODY TO KEEP TRAINING 'CAUSE OH YEAH MY TRIATHLON IS IN 16 DAYS. OMG. STRESS. GOING TO BED LATE & SLEEPING IN. BAH BYE. STRESS! STRESS! STRESS!

The good news is there are only 103 days until Christmas....

Oh and the Good Wife season premiere (best show on TV FYI) is Sunday September 25th!

 

With Love From Me To The New School Year,

Jackie

Little Skirt. Big Idea.

As a mother of two young girls, I am constantly amazed at all the fabulous options out there for their clothes, shoes, accessories, etc! I spend waaaayyyyyy more money on them than I do myself ("Oh, they would look so cute in this!") It's addictive! Why can't I just walk into Target and leave with the things I actually NEED, not the 47 cute bathing suits and sundresses that magically appear in my cart! And don't even get me started on when the Mini Boden catalog arrives - DELICIOUS!

Well, I have some exciting news to share and a new obsession to add to my "MUST HAVE" list: My partner Skirt Sports has just launched a new girls line of athletic apparel!!!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO CHECK IT OUT!!! They sent me some products to try out (see photos below of my cuties!) and the dresses are adorable, made really well, and the colors are fantastic. My daughters have been wearing them to the pool as coverups too! Our other model was Samantha - my colleague Lorraine's daughter - and the "skort" rocked! Our girls want to run, jump, and play - they don't want to worry about their undies showing so they all LOVED the shorts underneath. I've also washed both the dresses and skirts several times and they come out perfect. I couldn't deal with any handwashing or special attention needed! NO TIME FOR THAT! While on the pricey side compared to what you can find at Target, the saying goes: "You get what you pay for". It's so true. See for yourself!

This new product launch has come at a very opportune and special time as well - Nicole DeBoom, CEO and Founder of Skirt Sports, and her husband Tim, just announced they are expecting their first baby in December! How cute is that Little SKIRT gonna be?!?!?!? Welcome to the wonderful and crazy world of the working CEO Mom Nicole! Fasten your seat belt!

I wish you and the rest of the luscious Skirt Sports team, all the best with this new girls line! It rocks and I can't wait to see what comes next!

More importantly, Nicole, I wish you and Tim all the best with your other new "girl line". Yes, it's my vote that I think it's a girl! To read all about Nicole's pregnancy journey while juggling life as an athlete, CEO, wife, and SKIRT visionary - when what you really want to do is hurl or take a nap - visit her blog! I am especially fond of the entry, "Butt, Boobs, and Belly"

Go forth and be chic girls in your new little skirts!

With Love From Me to Hue,

Jackie

Mattie chillin' on the swing!

Lizzie climbing up the SKIRT ladder!

Don't mess with Samantha in her SKIRT!

So Done.

With school. With packing lunches. With the morning routine. With teacher gifts. With permission slips. With homework. With carpool. WITH EVERYTHING!!!

It's all I can think about - I WANT TO BE DONE. Yes, summer vacation brings on its own challenges, and yet.....

Then I received the following email from my sister today. I couldn't stop laughing. I also couldn't have said it better myself:

So tired.
Have 900 loads of laundry to do.
Emily still has the bubonic plague.
Hate school projects the last week of school.  Really?
Hate school picnics.
Hate field days.
Hate cramming 11,000 hours of work into 4 days.
My new bangs are HORRIFIC.
Haven’t run in 3 days (freaking Emily) and have the corp challenge on Tuesday when it is supposed to be 87 and muggy.
Eat pb&j EVERY night at 8:30 with the rest of my family.
Kids go to bed at 10 pm.
Gram needs a jar of applesauce.
Gram can’t work her TV remote – 4 phone calls.
Owen cries when I drop him off at preschool – why am I dropping him off you ask?  Because my sitter is so sick she is in the hospital – the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL.
And WHY is he crying when he has gone there since September?
Going to Cortland Friday and Saturday for a lax tourney – 8 games. Super.
Father’s Day – got nothing.

Any questions?

Pinot Grigio take us away!!!!!!!!!!

With Love From Me to My Tired Big Sis and the millions of other tired moms out there,

Jackie

I Have a New Title...

wait for it, wait for it... ok, here it is: a TRIATHLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and no Stephanie and Eileen that is not a typo. I signed up for the Ramblin Rose triathalon in September!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know, like I need more on my plate, but JACK!E^TM has been a sponsor the past two years for this amazing organization called Tri It For Life. Founded by my good friend Dr. Alyse Kelly-Jones, they inspire women to get off the couch and MOVE, and after attending all these ahtlete kick off events, dinners, meetings, etc. as a sponsor, this little voice inside me kept saying "What if?"

Then this even LOUDER (and somewhat stalker-ish) voice of a woman named Betty Brantley, who at age 66, is a triathlete amongst her many accomplishments in life, and very involved in Tri it for Life, quite frankly would NOT leave me alone! She kept saying "I know you are busy Jackie, but it will change your life! I promise!"

Then there's Nicole DeBoom, CEO and Founder of Skirt Sports, my luscious Kendall Kollection athletic apparel partner, "Jackie, have you ever thought about putting an exerecise regimen together? I mean I could help you..."

Hmmm. I didn't think my life needed changing or helping.

But then one day, a strange thing happened.  I was getting ready for work, ya know slaying dinosaurs and all, and when I looked in the mirror to check my hair quickly, I didn't recognize the girl staring back at me.

More disturbing, I wasn't really sure that I KNEW her anymore. When did she get so tired looking? When did those bags under her eyes appear? When did her skin get so pale and lifeless? When did her patience start wearing so thin? When did she get so stressed out? When did her ass start to look like the size of Texas?

When was the last time she did something for herself???????????????????

1989 to be exact.

So, I took a deep breath and hit the "SIGN UP AS A NEW ATHLETE" button.

"It sended! Come back!" (anybody watch Modern Family?!)

Last Sunday was my first event as a new athlete - I had a swim assessment. As I stood stuffed into my bathing suit waiting for my turn to get into the pool, I watched this group of women in a lane called "bubble blowers". That's right. They don't know how to swim. Grown women who are lawyers, doctors, teachers, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, in their 40's, 50's and 60's and beyond with a look of self determination in their eyes that was INCREDIBLE. Here I was feeling self-conscious about my gut sticking out of my tankini, yet these strong women were digging down DEEP for all the courage they could muster just to get IN the water. The Tri It For Life mentors were unbelievable with their patience and encouragement and GIRL POWER OVERFLOWING!! (Jeanine and Kelly and Rachel- you rock!)

The best part though, was that I had to bring my two daughters because of family scheduling conflicts.  I was so stressed because I wasn't sure kids were allowed - and were they gonna bug me for snacks, ask me to take them to the potty, fight with each other on the pool deck, etc! etc! but I had no choice or miss the assessment. Well, as I gently sauntered in the pool sucking in my aforementioned gut, nervous I had completely forgotten how to swim and not quite sure my 40 year old body could swim two lengths of the pool anymore, I took a quick glance over to the table where my girls were sitting. I thought they were playing with their Polly Pockets that they brought to keep themsleves busy, and not really understanding what I was doing or why we were there...

Then, I saw them.

They were at the end of my lane jumping up and down yelling "Go Mommy! Go Mommy!" Ponytails and hands flying in the air - a vision of love that I will never forget.  Then I couldn't see them because my goggles were fogged up from my tears!!!! They were proud of me!

Then I was proud of me!

Then l I saw myself a few hours later in a tri suit.

WOW. Not a pretty sight. Seriously - when did my arms turn into Jimmy Dean sausages? I think I zipped my boobs up to my chin too. That is one piece of clothing that is humbling beyond words!!!!!!!!! It leaves nothing to the imagination that is for sure!!!!!!!!

I still feel overwhelmed, I still feel scared (good news is that I can't feel my arms anymore after yesterday's swimming...), but now I feel INSPIRED. I am going to do this. I am going to cross the finish line. It may not be pretty, but I am going to ACCOMPLISH this!

And who knows, maybe I'll find that girl I once knew along the way : )

With Love From Me to Hue,

Jackie the Triahtlete

Two accomplished triathletes (notice the Tri suit!)

Dr. Alyse Kelly-Jones sporting her Tri Jacket!

This One's For You Mom

I'm having a moment. A real, heart stopping, mind blowing, life altering moment when for once, for one day, all the stars are in alignment in my world, and I am taking pause, taking a deep breath, taking stock.

You see, one of my dreams just came true: JACK!E Bedding became a reality. It's surreal. I mean, I kinda can't even comprehend it. I've been working my entire professional career for this moment and now, it's here! I will actually be tucking my daughters into bed under their JACK!E sheets! OH EM GEE!

I've been so busy trying to make it happen that I haven't really been able to "see" it or "feel" it, ya know? So, after I placed my order online on Saturday, I let myself take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.

And this is what I felt, this is what I want to say:

Mom, this moment is really for YOU. Thank you for loving me, and supporting me, and giving me the greatest pair of designer wings to fly. Thank you for all the sacrifices you made in your life to see your daughter succeed. I may not have been able to "see it" at age 7, 16, or 25 - all your wisdom, all your "beach walks", all your hard work, all your "magazine" dinners, all your homemeade Halloween costumes (still hate the flower costume in 2nd grade FYI), all your paychecks that went right into my college fund, all your patience during my creative endeavors (I really did love that teal prom gown), all your cheering at swim and track meets (even after my 1st car accident...sorry about that), all your carpooling, all your advice when my heart was broken (so glad I did not marry that guy FYI) all the clothes, furniture, and vacations you never took because you spent the money on your daughters instead of yourself, all of your energy and unending committment to be the very best mother you possibly could be.

Now that I have children of my own, I "see it", I see all that you did over the past 40 years and continue to do today as a grandmother. I KNOW how hard it is and I just wanted to say THANK YOU.

This one's for you.

With Love From Me To My Mom,

Jackie

  My mom holding me as a baby circa 1970

Homemade Halloween 1975 (notice my Mom's costume..really?! What's up with the ears?)

My Wedding Day xoxoxo (I'm wearing her necklace that she wore on her wedding day)

Keep Your Heart Where Your Feet Are Planted

THE GUILT. It's nothing new. All working mothers feel it every minute of every day. Some days it is enough to literally kill you. I've tried everything, but to no avail...my guilt still overwhelmeth!

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I do and am so incredibly proud of the example I am setting for my daughters, BUT, see -  there is ALWAYS a BUT!!!!!!

I recently ran into a colleague at the airport who was in tears and stressed out to the max as she said goodbye to her 3 year old daughter and 6 month old son for the first time. She was about to embark on a 10 day business trip to China. And she's still breastfeeding. I mean really?  Men have it so easy!!!!! She took one look at me and started bawling because she knows I KNOW what it is like (including pumping and dumping in nasty airplanes - the WORST!). The courage you have to muster up as your little ones are sobbing, your cell phone is ringing, your flight is about to leave, and your stomach is in knots, is quite frankly, heartbreaking.

I just read an article about Kyra Sedgwick and her attempts to "balance it all" and she gave one of the best pieces of advice that I've heard in awhile: " When you are at work, keep your heart at work, when you are home, keep your heart at home. Keep your heart and head where your feet are planted."

Even Jennifer Lopez while on the Regis and Kelly show last week said "I'm sorry, am I talking about my kids too much?!" Kelly's response was something to the effect, "Spoken like a true mother, when you are not with them you are still thinking about them!" See, even rock stars have THE GUILT.

There is no easy answer, there is no cure - BUT (see there's that darn BUT again!) as long as your heart is still calm amongst the chaos, and you are truly happy when you lay your head down on your pillow at night (granted after you pack lunches, fold laundry and return all your unanswered emails), you can't really ask for anything more can you?

Well... I'd like Jennifer Lopez' body...BUT that's a WHOLE OTHER STORY!!

And to my friend Laura, you are one of the best mother's I know, keep the faith : )

Finally, I thought this was too good to not share with you. This was a TED talk that was given by Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook. It is an ABSOLUTE MUST WATCH.

Sheryl Sandberg on TED Talks

Rock on all you strong Mommys!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With Love From Me To Hue,

Jackie

SH*T HAPPENS

I have told many of my friends that someday (in my spare time) I am going to write a book titled: "What Women Can Get Accomplished Before 8am". I swear, doesn't every morning feel like an ultra marathon from the minute your alarm goes off until you get the kids out the door to school?!?! Two of my colleagues have reached the glorious stage of their last one heading off to kindergarten so they are truly ALONE by 7:oo am. They can actually enjoy a cup of coffee ALONE, eat breakfast ALONE, go potty ALONE, shower ALONE, get dressed ALONE. aaahhhhhh. I can't even imagine.

Well, this blog isn't for you...because you are probably reading this blog ALONE.....whatever.

This blog is dedicated to all of us mothers who still have toddlers clinging to us as we race through our morning routine, frantically trying to maintain our sanity while changing brains (and changing diapers) from Mommy Mode to Business Mode.  Grabbing a sip of cold coffee while texting and responding to emails as you desperately channel surf trying to find Yo Gabba Gabba on TV for your aforementioned toddler who is now screaming......

INEVITABLY, the ONE morning you need everything to go RIGHT, with NO DRAMA, because you have an incredibly important meeting, presentation, conference call, flight to catch, volunteer at school, etc., etc...it all goes to SH*T.

I would like to describe one such morning to you.

I've gotten into the habit of showering with my little one in the morning because A) I can clean two booties at once and B) I can sneak out of the shower, get dressed, put on makeup, make my bed, etc., and I can keep an eye on him while he is busy playing in the water. Multi-tasking at its best! (Ok so perhaps my water bill & the environment wouldn't agree, but hey desperate times call for desperate measures)

Last week, as I am searching for an outfit in my closet that actually still fits me, and is somewhat attractive, and is clean and pressed because I have a photo shoot at 9am, and want to at least pretend that I got it goin' on - I hear a BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM from my bathroom.

I race into the bathroom to find my son crying HYSTERICALLY with his little body pressed so hard up against the shower door. In between his screams of "MOMMA I GET OUT!!!!!!!!" he is constantly glancing back as if a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex is right behind him.

As I get closer, my heart beating so fast, I try to assess the situation: I see no blood and cannot figure out for the LIFE of me why he is crying so hard or who in his mind is chasing him.

Then, I SEE IT.

The biggest TERD you could ever imagine laying on my shower floor.

AKA "The Tyrannosaurus Rex" chasing my son. He is so scared of his own terd that he has completely LOST it and any second now, I fully expect the shower door to just come crashing to the floor!

I open the door, grab my soaking wet little man (completely forgetting my outfit is now also soaking wet for my photo shoot), repeating "shhhh" in his ear, telling him, it's ok, it's ok, it's just poop, buddy, it's ok, I will get it. "GET IT MOMMA HELP ME!!!!!!!!""

So, I wrap him in a towel, enter the shower, slay the T-rex with my bare hands, flush him down the toilet, look at the clock and realize I have 20 mins until my photo shoot....

I race around the house, get him dressed (and a clean diaper to prevent further T-rex attacks), calm him down, and serve him the breakfast of champions for all his pain and suffering: an ice pop followed by Scooby Doo Fruit Snacks. I gulp down my second sip of cold coffee (when what I really want is a Bloody Mary by now), attempt to style my half dry hair, slap on some lipstick, and run up to my studio with sweat dripping down my back (my shirt's already wet so really, who cares at this point).

The photographer looks at me...well not really, me, but my shirt, and as my glance meets his, I realize that there is poop on the side of my shirt near my hip where I was straddling my son.......

I just look at him, take a deep breath and say,

"Well, what can you do, SH*T Happens......"

Now take the freaking picture.

 

With Love From Me to Hue Poop,

Jackie

PS. Today is the One Year Anniversay of my blog!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing the journey with me xoxo